Gotta write my own list.

I don't know about you engineers, but choosing courses as a liberal arts student can be a painful process. We actually have some choice in what we take, and for an indecisive person like me with a general interest in pretty much everything.. it can get pretty frustrating.

While I need to take courses that will get me through my program I also just really, really want to take a bunch of courses that just sound cool and interesting. But of course to make things even more difficult, I have reached the point where I am questioning my entire program and why I am in it. How typical of me.

I grabbed my friend for some advice while I was at the cafe and he said some interesting things. This man is very wise, but halfway through his talks I end up questioning whether he even remembers the original question. Regardless of if he really answered my question or not, I found what he told me insightful so I thought I'd share:

Think of each of the courses you take as an investment. 
Of course, you could think this way about your program or your university degree in general, but for the purposes of simplicity we'll just consider a single university course.

Ask yourself the following questions and try to find the balance:
1. What is the return on this investment? Employable skills? Good grades?
2. What makes me happy?
3. What is the purpose in my life that I am trying to fulfill with my education?
    a) employment
    b) achieve financial freedom
    c) intellectual fulfilment
    d) to delay a reality check

He went on to point this out: "Look how the question of happiness is right in the middle on the list. It's the key balancing point."

He does have a tendency to elevate things to a grandiose level, but talking to him got me to face the questions that I hate having to answer. I don't think I've ever been able to answer these questions with answers that were fully my own. Especially the third one... the answer to that was always automated as answer a) which would eventually lead to b). Why? I'm a pro at second-guessing myself and my parents want me to follow the tried and true path to "success" in life.

Oh hai Mr Drew Dudley and Glendon LeaderShapers :D

Here's the thing though; I think I'm ready to write my own list. I heard a talk by the wonderful Drew Dudley yesterday and one of the things he said was that everybody needs to write their own list. That point really struck me because it's basically the same message that I've been hearing for the last two months, over and over again. My friend jokingly said this yesterday, but I think it really is a sign.



I've still got a lot to figure out and I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all of this, but somehow I'm still super excited for our TEDxYorkU event this Thursday and I've got the rest of my second year of university to wrap up...

Screw Game of Thrones. Summer is coming.

Still not off the roller coaster but...

HEY J YOU GREAT POOHEAD you stopped posting :(
But to be fair, I stopped posting AND responding. I admit, I haven't been the best at catching up (as usual).

This second year of university has been a crazy roller coaster.
There's still two weeks of class and a month of exams left, but I'm in a rare mood to recap so here we go...

Academically, this year has been hell. I've been driven to the point where I've finally realized that I shouldn't be studying what I am if I don't want to compromise my happiness and interest in my education. Making that realization and decision to change it was a long and torturous process, but I will be making a visit to my favourite Academic Advisor first thing on Monday to talk about what's possible for me. This struggle has helped me to realize what I should be doing, but it probably won't fly as smoothly past my parents and that is a battle I will have to face in a couple of months.

Other than my academics, everything else has been absolutely amazing. It will infuriate Mother to no end that I have made more progress in gaining work experience and networking than in improving my grades but I guess seeing the learning curve is just a cultural, generational, societal difference that we will have to struggle through. The two campus jobs that I have been working have taught me so much this past year, and I've met incredible people through them. I've also further developed great relationships with my peers, colleagues, and bosses, and I am so grateful for how much I've gained and learned from them. They are great people that helped me through my struggles that had been occupying my brain for the majority of the school year.

I went to LeaderShape, which kept me out of the city while the rest of my old friends were back to visit. Although I was a little upset at the missed opportunity to see them, I really could not have traded my experience for another. The leadership conference put things into perspective, clarified things that I didn't even know I was questioning, and created a whole new batch of connections to some amazing people I would never have been able to meet otherwise. It also stirred up an incredible amount of confidence and determination in myself to be more outwardly true to who I am. I came back with more emotion and willingness to express my thoughts and opinions on the campus issues I was concerned about.

LeaderShape has gotten me to come out of my comfort zone and take these kinds of "bare my soul" projects like the Draw My Life video.

So what exactly have I come to realize?
- I missed having J around in my second semester. Although we could only hang out once every two weeks while he was still in Toronto, those chill times helped to keep me distracted and sane in the fall semester
- I probably won't go to teacher's college as I had planned to for the last 3 years. I want to approach a career in education not through teaching but through administration and policy work, so I'm looking at other options after graduation
- I will still do a Masters in Education at one point in my life. But I am now very open to whatever career paths and life experiences come my way between my undergrad and that masters degree
- I cannot finish my English degree. Ideally I will be able to do Communications and Linguistics at Glendon as an Individualized Studies major (since Communications is not a Glendon program until 2015) but that's what I'll have to talk to Advising about
- I cannot repress my creative side any longer. I need to do things that will let me experiment and learn in design, photography, and story telling through other (digital) mediums
- My videos on my Glendon channel mean a lot more to me than I thought. I really care about what I have been doing as an eAmbassador and continuing to do this type of thing as a vlogger, editor, or producer is in my plans for the next while

I think that makes for a sufficient recap at this point. There are still so many things that need to be clarified and figured out, but I just need to take the time for them so I don't make my decisions based on stress and confusion again. I'm not off the roller coaster, but I feel as though I've been on enough rides to know what to expect and how to deal with it.